Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a fan of change! I have … obsessive compulsive tendencies and when I have something just so I HATE for it to be altered! I hate people intruding upon my space unannounced, I am not a fan of strangers, I hate socialising (odd I know given what I do) and loathe parties and “get togethers” so yesterday for me was a bit of a nightmare!
The Trust (Andrew and I live in a National Trust property which we rent) sent around two blokes – well … one bloke and one child … to fit secondary glazing in the house! Free of charge … very nice, you might think. However Neither Andrew nor I asked for it, wanted it or had any choice in receiving it! We like our houses cool, we prefer period features like old single glazed, wooden sash windows, we like to be in control of our home!
Still .. I tried to tell myself … it’s good for the environment, energy conservation and all that and so – gritting my teeth – we welcomed them in. The secondary glazing units are HUGE! Big, thick, solid wooden frames holding sliding panes of glass and – once installed – they swallowed up the window sill space on EVERY window!
It soon became apparent that I would no longer be able to have my personal altar on the window sill in my office nor my solfeggio pipes by the other window there! Crystals would need to be moved in the bathroom and statues in the kitchen, my head began to spin with the thought of it all.
This plus the noise, plus the dirt, plus the cold – the door was open to the back garden pretty much all day as the workmen trapped in and out and it had snowed the night before, plus one freaked out dog and one freaked out me – not to mention my work which HAS to happen between all these things – such is my work load and deadlines at the moment and by the end of the day I was EXHAUSTED!
By the end of the day – once they’d gone – threatening to return because some of what they wanted to do couldn’t be done – I managed to get everything sorted into new places with little few casualties (sorry Raven statue) and only a minor pulled back and this morning – the sun rising on a new day – I see the slightly altered landscape of the house and can begin to breathe again!
So … why am I going on about this seeming insignificance – well partly to highlight how tricky things can be for those of us with obsessive compulsive issues – I don’t say disorder because I am not paralysed by my feelings like some are just irked by them and so in many ways I get off lightly. But also I wanted to use my minor domestic dilemma to highlight something else …
Change is inevitable – it is the greatest power in the Universe to which even the Divine is subject. I see it now rapidly every day in my ageing face, I feel it in my aching bones. All that we can do is try to accept it and flow with it, amending its flow as and when we can and really want to but ultimately recognising it as master.
Yesterday I kept reminding myself to “be like water” – to adapt to my new surroundings, to flow and be in a state of grace and it did help. Despite feeling stressed and overwhelmed I did bounce back considerably more quickly than usual, planning rearrangements with only a little remorse and resistance, trying to look on the bright side and acknowledge that sometimes shifting energy around in this way can be good for the Soul.
This morning – sat at my new altar – I was reminded of something Diana Summer once taught me – that changing ones perspective of something … something as simple as an altar figure on an altar – can change ones perspective of the Divine! Now – seated on the floor – I gaze up at my statue of the Goddess and the Gods rather than seeing them “eye to eye” and it makes me more humble. Now my eye fixes on the clasped hands of the Triple Goddess and I meditate on her love and faith and trust and sisterhood. Now the Great God Pan can be more easily seen in all his splendour and I wonder – with fresh eyes – on the significance of his presence in my life. Now – with more light streaming into the room and more space to manoeuvre I feel less barricaded in.
Change is painful at times, difficult and unwelcome BUT in time – when the dust settles and the broken pieces are swept away, when the dog is calmed and after a good nights sleep (and a couple of Ibuprofen for the back) things look different and sometimes different can be good!
Our world is changing and we have to be like water and both adapt and accept and do what we can to make new glories from the old.